You should call your Dr. Suicidal thoughts aren't normal. If you take cannabis or illegal drugs when your in this state it will do more harm than good. Over the years I have had to learn many coping skills. The main one was asking for help when I needed it. If you think therapy might help call the United Way at 211 or if you have a plan with those thoughts call 911 and ask for a CIT officer(don't know if they have that program where you live) You are the most important at this time. Don't worry about apologizing until you are in a right state of mind.

Try meditation for calming measures. Deep breathing exercises really help a lot. Your Dr. Might prescribe you something for depression. You won't always know why you are feeling the way you do. It happens. Worry about yourself at this time though. You can't change what you have done. But apologize for your mistakes. You have to put you first. Until you feel better or can manage. Also they have different forms of cannabis that can help Also. Good luck and hope all goes well.

I have tried therapy a couple of times over the years.But I think I should give it another try.Thank you for your advice 💕

Thank you for responding 💕 I have tried a cannabis paste to manage flare ups but didn't like the way it made me drowsy but I'll take up your advice and try it.💕 have a great day 😘